about one more month to the end of my second semester in NUS.
plan to wake up early has been pretty successful.
Really wanna start on hardcore mugging but it seems so impossible with the SSA project burden on my shoulder.
Can't wait to complete the weightage 30% project.

Think I wouldn't be meeting up with the usuals all the way until exams end.
That's like one month away.

Sigh.
Alright, very soon it will all be over so boys and girls, hang in there. I am not Miss Average.
Surprisingly, I did not fall below the out of reach section of a bell curve. And I'm saying for the 3 fatal(econs) modules that I'm taking. Definitely, I didn't do well either and I'm very far away from my own definition of "doing well".
In short, I am standing at what we call mean which is just a more mathematical or statistical term of the word Average.
Trust me, in university level, it's not that easy to achieve mean if your aim is just mean.
But then again, I know being mean is nothing you should be satisfied about. There's about another 50% of the cohort above you.
Pretty stressed up as usual (Yes! I've reached that phase of the semester again.)
Spending the entire morning and afternoon, basically the entire day doing stats tutorial, just one.
As a result, being unable to start on my revision for finals.
All these are causing tremendous amount of stress on my poor body and brain. I feel so heavy when I'm walking around now (also because I've been eating as though I'm undergoing the puberty stage again) , like my legs will give way if I ever walk any faster than the tortise speed I'm going at.
In a very fragile stage I would say. Anything and everything can hurt me, easily and badly.
After so much, I'm still lying on my bed, not doing anything.
Cause perhaps, all I need is a good night sleep, one without any dream, without any alarm.
One good and undisturbed sleep is all I ask for tonight. Mental note to self:
__________________________

Okay. Noted. We have a girl sitting alone at the platform of the train station, doubting herself.
Before anyone feels anything for that girl, all I wanna say is that she just wanna do her best.
Especially in this. Maybe I'm trying a little too hard and in the process, forgot about the gist. You know caring too much about the details and end up, forgetting the real story and instead, create a story out of the details.
Okay. I'm equally lost too.

May a good night sleep take a little of the unnecessary over-emotional sense away from me.
Thank you and goodnight. Very restless although it's only 7pm and the thought of 9am tutorial tmr is so not helping.
shall finish media effect tutorial after dinner and spend rest of the night watching friends and drinking koi.
Tmr after school, I'm gonna get home and start planning my study schedule.
Trust me. After econs mid term, I'm pretty sure that it's not too early.
Well, time to adopt Do-Or-Die attitude. I don't like today.
There's something so very wrong about you and today.
Maybe our 8 characters clash with some fengshui today.
But please, only allow it to happen for 24 hours.
cause I am vulnerable and fragile, erm... i mean my heart. So, don't break it.
Don't treat it like...rubbish.


Unlike Cinderella, I'm looking forward to 12am, breaking free of whatever curse it is (nah. not a magical wand).

A love like this. We all need a little push in all sorts of situations.
The push, triggering you to move forward and at the same time, accomplishing another mission of not letting one fall back.
This kind of push that I'm talking about, I think I need it so as to walk through the remaining 7 weeks, without dying I'm saying.


I've decided. Canon SX130.
I don't think that I took very long to make this decision. It could have been longer, like years.


Big time craving for potatoes and bacons!

Please let me be punctual for NM tutorial tmr.


Vulnerable so please handle with care.
But really, it's already enough for my heart to feel sheltered.
To feel like she's back home. I hope you will have that little faith in me.

Perhaps one day, I'll display all of us out here, out there.
And I know that day is gonna be here soon. Trust me. It can't get any worse than this.

Fuck man.
Twice in a day.
I feel like I could really stop writing or thinking, just stop. Just stop and watch the people around me pen down their brilliant answers and graphs, pulling their grades further and further away from mine while my own grade stays stagnant, very near to the origin.
Regret times a million.
Why did I insist on trying out econs first? Knowing that it would be ten times worse than the exposure module. Why am I always so stubborn?
Here I am again. I'm really not good enough for econs. Admitting it. Really. I'm just not smart enough for all the utility maximizing stuffs. My maths isn't good enough to handle all the weird and ugly symbols too. I'm referring to differentiation. As much as I believe in hard work pays off, I have to really put both my hands up in the air, throw like 5000 white towels and shout out loud and clear "I'm done with econs. Econs hates me and I don't like it either."
Call me a quitter. I don't care anymore.
Cause I know I have to make this decision and I strongly believe that it's a right one.
New media is easier than econs cause it's actually more similar to marketing than econs is but it definitely requires gnormous amount of har work to pull up my very very low cap score.
In all, the switch is because I don't want to be this unhappy for the rest of my uni days.
I want to look forward to school, I want to be able to sit through lectures and tutorials understanding them, I want to go for exams feelin confident of my own knowledge.
So for the remaining two months. I'm gonna work extra hard by telling myself that this is my last time doing econs.
Last.

And of course, Friday is a brand new day. Haa.
Come soon please. I can't wait to date you.