i spent the entire new year eve reading these.
my diaries and organizers throughout the years.
today is a weird weird day.
seriously!
the last post of 2010 and well, i'm glad that the year is ending.
please let my 2011 be a better and happier year.
thank you.
Happy New Year my friends!
Happy 2011! :) Out of the many celebrations in a year, my favourite is new year eve.
it's not exactly the most joyous and fun holiday. In fact, new year eve is not even a holiday.
But i love new year eve.
because it marks an end and at the same time, people look forward to a brand new start.
and there's fireworks.
pretty pretty fireworks.
i love fireworks.
i love new year eve. i feel so good after massive spring cleaning. i woke up with a broken heart but that's yesterday. is 2010 a great year?

i started the year in the ever most beautiful way. i don't know if i would ever get another chance to have another new year countdown as beautiful, as sweet as the one that i had to welcome 2010.
it's my dream celebration i would say.
i traveled really a lot this year.
cambodia, taiwan, redang, genting, kl, vietnam.
cambodia once again, life changing experience.
taiwan is a real test to our friendship.
redang, i'll never forget how beautiful the place is, how blue the seas are, how carefree we were.
and then, i made it into NUS.
the excitement i had when i first received the news.
flashbacks of how hard for 3 years i worked for the past 3 years and i finally got what i wanted all along.
the feeling is indescribable.
and then, there's this girlfriend of mine who joined the usuals, once again which i'm so thankful for.
so, NUS, ARTS CAMP - very reluctant to turn up at first.
but then, i came to know this wonderful group of friends - RANDITS.
we went through arts camp, o week and one semester together.
i'm really extremely grateful for having this group of friends with me.
and of course, my glimpse of light who showered me with much love, care and concern. Just like my sunshine, although it still rains. sometimes. (i would like to change this to all the time)
sunshine trumps everything else that i've gained this year.

undeniably, i lost quite a fair share of stuffs too (yes, you lose some, you gain some). Or perhaps i lost more than i gained.
the first and most significant one, no more special september.
i wouldn't say this is the best decision but it is definitely one of those necessary decision in life.
and come to think of it, i feel like slapping myself for not being as upset as i thought i would be.
very unexpected so it took me quite a long while to recognise the fact that i'm the one losing it, not you. but still, thanks a lot, for the 5 years.
then, there's this i-didn't-know-we-would-end-up-like-this kinda group.
for a long 1 to 3 months, i really felt like this and it made me think and reflect.
so much could have been done, on my part but i did not.
it will be better i think. at least i will try to make it, make us better.
NUS is a dream. i know i will be god damn happy during my days in NUS cause it's like a dream come true for me.
but somehow, it's not like this.
i spent many nights thinking about how unsatisfied i am with myself and the feeling sucks to the max.
i miss those days whereby i feel smart and i can prove that i am smart.
geez. why didn't i appreciate those days more?
i doubt myself a hell lot this year.
keeping the faith in me becomes something that i have to constantly remind myself of.
oh well, they say it will only get better, or so i hope.

2010 marks the 8th year of our friendship.
the year many of us graduated from poly. the year many of them embarked on dogs days. the year we became more lax with birthday celebrations. the year we continued our usual christmas gift exchange. the year where we abandoned each other for new year countdown (SO NOT FORGIVEN! haha).
but it's another year of us being together.
many of us teared on the last day of school when we were in sec 1, when we were all 13 year old, when we were still younger than being young.
because we simply love each other so much and we don't want the year to end and we don't want to be seperated.
when the bell rang on the last day, we stayed in our classroom for damn long cause we refused to let reality set in. i guess we were all scared cause we don't know what the future holds for us.
and then we stayed together for the rest of the 4 years in the all white/white and blue uniform.
new faces joined the group, some left, some re-entered.
that 4 years, the best up till now. i would do anything to go back to those days and i really mean it.
and then, we went on to our poly/jc journey.
more people left but i don't mind cause those who remained are those who should remain and basically, those that really love each other.
the number of people i text now is only 9, so including myself, that makes us 10.
sweet 10.
all i want to say is that it's another year past. another december with me being thankful for having the usuals with me for the past year.
much love to you all.


December is a beautiful month.
cause it's the last month of the long year.
it makes us think if the past year had been a great one or not.
it makes us think of the regrets for the year.
it makes us think of the things that you've lost and gained.
it makes you read through your diary, your blog posts for the past year so that you will not forget the little feelings and emotions you had for all the events worth remembering in that year.
and after all these, you will be motivated to make the coming year a better one.
but then, whether or not you succeed in it, you'll have to wait till the next December.


and so, is 2010 a great year?
haa. i think i know my answer now. I am back from the one week holiday.

What welcomed me home? of course, it's the semester results.
i don't know how my friends did but be it good or bad, i feel very much alone now cause i'm the only one checking my results on 26th dec, 5+pm.
this is damn weird.

but of course, very much expected. I didn't do well.
i actually don't want and don't know how to elaborate anymore.
but for now, i really hate the fact that i'm sharing bedroom with my sisters cause all i want is to close the door, lie on my bed, play very very very sad song on my ipod without anyone walking around the room and asking what's wrong with me. seriously, can i rent a room from anyone?

it sucks even more because right now, i really need to be with people who already know and accept in their heart that i actually have 'ego as big as an elephant'.
i really miss love shuffle a lot.
it's been too long since we last spent time together.
in short, i wish that tekong sinks(i don't know how though) so that you all don't need to book in and i can call you all up for impromptu cheer-me-up/watch-me-cry-again night.

to add on, i really don't want you in my life anymore.
by that, i meant i really hope that i won't receive your text or bump onto you along some streets.
okay. i just don't want to see you anymore.
sorry.


damn. can anyone tell me why am i so sad?
this. is. just. so. depressing. great weekend spent.

xmas celebration with the usuals.
we feast on pizzas, chickens, chickens and still chickens.
ahliang actually dozed off right after he ended his sentence.
looking forward to the next.


beautiful christmas decorations along orchard, all the way to dhoby ghaut and lastly, esplanade.
one of those nights, again.


actually, the answer lies in our heart. it's raining a lot lately.
thus, the cold weather.
sometimes, cold weather freezes not only your body but also your heart.
but just like today, it's not everything but it sends this tinge of warmth to my heart.
so sweet. so meaningful. so significant.

oh man.... "Choose me. Pick me. Love me." Just like secrets.
Some secrets are yours while some are entrusted to you.
but everyone has at least one secret.
something you really wouldn't or couldn't (and sometimes both) share with anyone else.
what's yours?

and that's why i say, it's just like secrets. we don't shine all the time. hey, it's not supposed to be like this.
it's not supposed to be so hard. happy birthday lingling.



it's different but if you give it a further thought, nothing much has changed. i had a great day finally dating myself.
anyways, narnia is soooo awesome! everyone must watch okay?




How to reply "How are you?"
can anyone enlighten me. because patience is a virtue. i am so craving for good movie, java chips and simply chocolate from daily scoops. spending days together but at the end of each day, everything seems like an unicorn.
and then, the cycle repeats itself the next day when i opened my eyes.

rose or unicorn?


you will have all of me. my luck, my strength and my energy.
anything and everything. i believe it's not only me but many others who were feeling extremely screwed up after monday's full run. the lighting sucks max, there are still people who genuinely forget steps and formations. blocking doesn't seem to help at all but instead, worsen the already confused lambs around.

but somehow, miracle happened. It ended up to be a great show or what i would say, the ever best full run! SO HIGH! SO FUN! CAN'T WAIT TO GO UP ON STAGE AND ROCK IT! AHHHHHHH!

now that it's all over, the emptiness sets in.
all the hard work and endless training of 3 or 4 times a week has come to an end.
looking forward to next year's concert!
it will definitely be better! High-er! fun-er!

YNDA FTW! LET'S GET SEXY! :D 1) can't wait for 18th cause browsing through all the photos makes me miss you all so much. i gotta admit, we see each other fairly often enough but still, haa. that's why we're the usuals.

2) 2 more days to the long break from dance. I'm actually excited about it.

3) I'm always breaking my own heart.

4) goodnight. haa. my friend very funny. he said this, "next weekend is your birthday huh? no wonder i purposely pushed my rifle to my sergeant so that i can get confined next weekend."
slashing incident almost happened last night at jp's starbucks.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH MR LIM!

guys, we have a plan for chirstmas celebration 2010. hee. text you all right now!
i'm so excited. haha. okay. i'm a brave girl and brave girls don't hide in their own world. i want to hide in my own world and never return.
i want to elope with myself. let's call it chain letters even though it's not really chain letters.
and so, i was reading chain letters yesterday morning at 9plus feeling so upset to the extent that hmmm. okay. i kinda changed my mind and not share how exactly upset i was. so let's just say i feel like dying.
and then at 4plus ytd, i read chain letters again and i thought to myself, why am i so god damn retarded? and then, i feel like stabbing myself with a knife.
i just woke up and i decided to read chain letters once again and this time round, i laughed. why is this so cute and dramatic?

as i said, i love impromptu. actually, the usuals love impromptu, not just me.
so ytd, we ended up 12am at raffles city bucks. nope. i did not type wrongly. it's 12am. and guess what, i really feel so proud of ourselves. although without the guys, we got lost for AWHILE, but the thing is, we managed to drive there and back all by ourselves. PLEASE! THIS IS SO WORTH SHARING ON SATURDAY! SPAM THEIR EARS WITH THIS!
hee.



Therefore, merry December might still be merry after all :) Merry December?
hmmm. not really. at least not on the first day of December.