in a way, i think i'm asking too much of myself.
but i do have a reason and that is because it is really something that i want very badly.
in my whole life, there's only 3 things that i wanted/want this badly, till the extent that sometimes i don't know if i really WANT it or i just want to prove myself, to the others.
the first thing was to shock everyone with my o's results. it's a 3 years ago incident but i swear i studied my ass off for the remaining 6 months and the only purpose - to prove to those that look down on me.
yes. comment it's childish or what but sometimes, i just can't ignore these stupid emotions of mine.
the second thing is a secret but i can only say i failed to accomplish it and was upset for a long period of time.
the third thing is to get into uni. uni is like definitely a MUST and i guess i can skip the 'good-for-your-future' part cause everyone knows about it. the main purpose that actually inspire me to dream about uni is because i wanna prove that the wrong decision i make can land me in the same ending point. i don't know if i can accomplish it, still waiting for miracle to happen.

actually i'm pretty much upset with myself, now. till the extent that i really don't feel like talking.