I'm so freaking tired. so freaking sleepy.
the thought of maths, all those differentiations and integrations. seriously depressing.
the thought of BTBM makes me wanna die.

today's law. i don't know. after i complete the paper, i thought it was okay. but now, i'm kinda worried. it seems like it's pretty much screwed up. i don't know. i just hope that i can get B+. or rather, i really NEED B+ to maintain. help me please........

Insomnia these few nights.
According to my bearbear, she says i'm lucky.

one more week people. to the end of all!

NTU wants the online appraisal now?!?!?
people, i really need help.

okay. off to practice maths. did this as suggested by my da jie.
hmmm.. well. i just need a break from law law law, ethics ethics ethics, btbm btbm btbm.
Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are intelligent
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Honest
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Sweet
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are friendly to everybody
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Don't like conflict
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Because you're so cheerful
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Fun people are naturally attracted to you
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Like to talk to you
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like serious
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Smart
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Determined people
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't judge a book by its cover
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So good-looking people aren't necessarily your style
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship
The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So you will find yourself with plenty of dates
Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Education is less important than the real world out there
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Away from the classroom
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Deep inside you want to start working
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Earning money
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Living on your own
The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You're a practical person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Will choose a secure job with a steady income
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Knowing what you like to do is important
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Find a regular job doing just that
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You'll be set for life
How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Success in your career is not the most important thing in life
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are content with what you have
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working
What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Independence is important to you

For a overall view, I shall not comment much on the how true/ how untrue this quiz is.
But i really want to say that, i really like smart guys.
and in a way, from a guy's usage of words, speech, little actions, i can determine if he is smart/average/not so smart.
and most of the time, i'm correct.
don't you people find that guys who are smart are really attractive too?

as for the part regarding plenty of dates.
hmmm.. no, i don't.




for you, till thurday morning. sometimes, we're too experienced, too old, too mature.
and that make us crave for the sweet and little something to spice up our life.
something that is so significant, but often forgotten when we get oh-so-busy.
it's something that will be gone for sure, especially, after we leave that innocent yet wanting to be mature, basically, the most contradicting phase of our life.
After all is gone, what remains will be what we call memories.
but then again, as we aged, we tend to forget about these little memories.
what's cruel is that, the way we forget them, it's never like those typical korean/taiwan dramas.
Car bang- BOOM!-someone forgets a very important part of their life.
what's cruel is that, we forget those little memories of ours, bit by bit.
we need exceptionally long period of time to recall what is the sweetest thing we've done. (cause we can't seem to remember much)
we tend to forget minor issues, which in my point of view, hurt a lot.
but then once again, as we aged, maybe we'll forget about the hurt that used to hurt a lot.
it seems to me like it's all a cycle.
tell me i am right, please. i bought chicken rice back home, only to realised that the guy forgot to add the cucumber :( okay. finally both NTU and NUS admission stuffs = settled.
i'll need to send it the supporting documents for NUS soonish! and after that, i'll just pray hard and wait for miracles to happen.



我只希望你懂我 24 - 4(left over) - 0.5(bearbear) - 1(samsam) - 3.5(lingling) - 3(km) - 3(seng) = 9
which means that, daryl drank like around 9 cans?
we're not sure either. just that after he left, we realised that he didn't even stop for the entire night?
what about our self assumed good girl?
For the entire night, she's happily counting how many cups of SPARKLING JUICE she drank.
great xiongbang reunion dinner.
good job people! :)

the amount to give and the amount to take.
there has got to be a fixed ratio beforehand.

I know this is boring but I'm still very stuck at the non-academic achievements.
Now that i at least have an idea, let me go and force 300 words out then :(

and, for once after so many years, i met a dog that makes me wanna forgive all dog species on earth, and try to make friend with them.
She's just different from the rest
and this dog has got to be COCO CHEOW. too much for a night.
regarding all those misleading stories, all those politics, all those people.
i've always chose the same stand.
and that is, not to have a stand.
but after a long period of 3 years in this fuck up environment(okay. it should be 2 years since i had a great 1st year) , i'm forced to take a stand most of the time.
as much as i don't want to be involved in any of those mind fucking issues,
as much as i want to stay away from these conflicts,
as much as i want to remain ignorant,
as much as i really don't want to judge,
i'm still committing the above crimes.

i judged, i'm too observant till it becomes negative, i don't want to be wronged so i made my way into the conflicts, i get emotional at times and throw away everything i know about remaining logical.

but here i am, writing these to let myself know that seriously, i'm so god damn ruined by this fuck up environment.
so perhaps, it's pointless counting down to friday cause i've just ruined myself.


and then, it's another annoying matter.
i witness absurd stuffs going on.
i gave my advice and then i realised that i'm in the least position to advice.
cause i am just like you are.
just that, you're more courageous.
you faced the fact, you know very well what is going on.
i choose not to face anything that is related to the truth and i really don't want to know what is going on.
I'm a coward regarding this.
i know.

and so, i need more happy food. i have. i love and hate you and that makes me love and hate myself too. *i'm still in the depression mode, just that nettenette and me decided to talk about our future, w'out uni and that'll be work life.*

air stewardess has always been my dream job(apart from modeling which is too impossible).
pretty girls, hot uniform, and air stewardess is definitely not labeled as bimbo cause it's an ICON. (think SIA!!!)
alright. basically, this post is just so to let u all know what my bestie, nettenette, thinks about me & air stewardess.

nettenette: i think sure can.
reasons being:
it's a loner job.
- stay hotels all alone.
- fly here and there schedules, high possibility all alone.

i won't even be bothered
- SIA's seniors very bitchy

she loves gifts
- then when you fly here and there, can buy souvenirs for me.

self-added reason: then i still can flirt on board with passengers, and pilots of course. (i'm supposed to quit this...... supposed.)

i'm blogging much cause i'm still stuck on the non-academic achievements for NTU admission. i really don't have any but am trying to squeeze something out. can u feel my pain? cut off gpa for uni admission is depressing.
the number of Dist, As, Bs i got is depressing
my gpa is depressing
the fact that i don't have any extraordinary cca or talent is depressing
i haven't experience any meaningful events that affected me deeply, this is depressing.
i haven't met anyone that had a positive influence on me as well, this is depressing.
the only thing that is not depressing is my name, my D.O.B, my nationality, my contact number and my address, and this is depressing as well.
To sum up, uni admission is driving/drove me into depression state once again.

no one likes their future path to be unclear.
it's pointless to talk about regrets when i'm already so close to graduation. i am a little unhappy now. sweet as honey????
no and never.
i hate you!!!!!! Great job for our BD! :):):):):)
So now, all presentations ended!!!!
it's pretty unbelievable actually.

and, my sister has launched a new collection! so people, visit the online store alright?
http://bellajoy.livejournal.com/ long long script tmr for the last presentation in my poly days.
practice practice practice
read read read People, it's one week from now!
aren't you excited?
freaking 7 days more :):):):):):):) I've just received a very FML email. (kaming knows what i'm talking about)
projects are very capable of bringing out the vulgarities that is well hidden in me.
seriously, fuck. I'm trying too hard to be objective.
and sometimes, bring too objective is actually being subjective.
i've got no other comments on this. we challenged each other's EQ.
At times, I'm really amazed by my own EQ.
i guess i live on the extremes.
either i get so ah lian-ish or i'll just remain calm.....like the sea.
haha. whatever.
I'm so proud of myself now, you can't fight me man.
especially, when i'm so determined to win.
especially, when i'm so determined to prove. What's bad will always remain bad, and can never be good again.
It's not about giving chances and such.
It's more of a theory, a fact.
The line between us can never be drawn clearly.
as much as i step away, further and further away from this crisis, somehow, it's still right beside me.

MMIT will be over in hours time.
i'm referring to the presentation though.
and i'm happy, very satisfied with what we have. i just lost $59 to bearbear and kaming.
perhaps, it is the best way to de-stress.
HAHA!
we're mad.
i am mad. - Getting 4th position for the last period of BMG is depressing. whenever i think about it, i can literally feel the stab in my heart. that little bit more to A. you know how it feels? we've been doing good enough, such that as long as we get 3rd, we can get an A. BUT, well.... totally, heartache. and i believe my group mates feel the same too.

- it's 1st February, which means, officially 11 days more days to the end of all torture. (i'm always very serious when it comes to counting down)

- tmr is the last day of seeing that damn LKK (named by nettenette), cause i've made a mental note to skip next week revision lesson.

- after i get back my final year, final semester results, i swear i will blog about _________.

- cambodia is getting near, and i'm getting both afraid and excited at the same time.

- i've just missed the mysas student feedback system by a day. not that i've got alot of feedback for the lecturers, but you see, this thing is really not in my mind. it's alright though, that's what samsam told me.

- my little family had our vaccination done today. And, we really make our decisions as a family :)

- i'm gonna stock up on my snacks, to prepare for the upcoming chiong-ing process of exam.

- i'm looking forward to our reunion dinner, not with coco though.

- i would like to amend the above sentence to "i'm looking forward to drinking though." it's been a long time since i last drank, and i'm seriously craving for beer.

- initially, i really thought that my final semester in sp can end in a 'peaceful' way. i'm realistic not to hope too much, but somehow, things have to end this way. it's somewhat amazing how these 2 years past, isn't it? and honestly speaking, i'm really proud of myself. cause these 2 years, i've never done anything that is against my principles. don't think it's lame, cause this means alot to me. especially, after considering the situation i am in.

- MMIT ppt on wed, BD trial on thurs, LERM report on fri, BD final ppt on sat, CSB writing of minutes on next monday, BMG report on next thurs, MMIT report on next fri.
so people, know your limits and stop pushing your way.

- we're always in a different timeline, and somehow, it makes us more interesting.

- most importantly, NTU and NUS application is now open. pray hard, fingers crossed, i get in.

lastly, bye. i'm off to meet my darling powerpoint slides.